i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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