Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
