we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just google imaged poop.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
