Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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