I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
