Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
