I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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