So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
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