these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
