We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
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I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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