So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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