Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
