Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just found puke in my bra..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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