Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
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i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
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You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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