apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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