TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
zippers are such a cool invention
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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