i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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