Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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