Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
