his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
