butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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