The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
