I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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