is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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