I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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