Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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