Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
