I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
