Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
