I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
