Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
