so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
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We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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