I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
