Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
