K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
