he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
