she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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