i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
