very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
