dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
