Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
