Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
