just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
