Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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