we're chasing vodka with high fives
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
