will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
