Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
