you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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