I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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