My first STD was from a foam party
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
