Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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