I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
