I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
