My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
