He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
