i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize