Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
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