So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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