Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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