but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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