I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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