I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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