my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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