I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
