I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
