Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
