I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
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