I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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