That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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