so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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