haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
