watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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