My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
