We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
