Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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