it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
