I wannas sexs uuuuu
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
