Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
