My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Less talking, more tequila
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
