i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
